My July

 July is my favorite month every year. Maybe because my birthday is in July. Definitely because my school isn't in session in July.  The old June, July and august summer has seen school encroaching well into mid June and starting again Mid August but my July is still family time, outdoor time, ME time.

 This year my husband started a new job, and so did both of my adult sons.  My granddaughter and I have had the long summer weekdays to explore together, taking her to swimming lessons and the beach, to soccer and the local aquarium and the almost local zoo. it hasn't been too smoke filled or too foggy unlike some summers and the home area is cool but just up the river it is hot and swimmable

 imagination rules at four so we have been Maleficent and her daughter Mal, or a Doctor and Patient, or a wide variety of monsters and princesses and super heroes

Things To Be Thankful For

 I was driving home through a Redwood tree grove and along a pristine river and through a sheer canyon. It was just another commute home after a day working with wonderful children and supportive peers.  I was still feeling a bit down and exhausted, the time change making everything feel later than it was.  I had absolutely no reason to feel anything less than thankful, but I wasn't feeling it.

 When I got home, I decided to drag out the one pumpkin I'd saved from being carved into a Jack-o-lantern and try a new, very old recipe I'd seen that claimed it was the type pumpkin pie that the Pilgrims would have made. It surely wasn't a pie, just a simple egg and cream and sugar flan baked in a pumpkin shell, and it came out very much not tasting of pumpkin.  However just that little bit of change, stepping outside the daily routine, seemed to reset my mood and allow me to feel awake and happy again.

 I know, sugar is poison, but baking is still one way I feel myself connect to my grandma and my mom.  I reach to my roots where my soul is nourished.

 Then I got the granddaughter and we went to the park, running between rainstorms to climb and slide and swing. And this local park also has a redwood trail to explore. In this rainy season the slugs and mushrooms are abundant.

My mailbox brought me a book written by a facebook friend

My new waffle iron made bowls which demanded a caramel sundae instead of syrup

 And old friends sent me old pictures of my Mom and new pictures of my brother Lance.  Life was reminding me, again and again, that it is good to be alive.

My Brother and my Niece

My Granddaughter was Princess Poppy Troll for Halloween

Mom and her extended family in about 1946. ! of many old pictures that were sent unexpectedly from an old family friend.

mom

Mom, with her cousins and grandparents

Mom

 So when the rain returned, we simply grabbed the rubber boots and kept on playing.

My Heart Goes to Sea

 Way back in March of 1993 I was told that “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” Elizabeth Stone

but that wasn't sufficient warning for the real impact of how much your life and values and world change the first time that child is in your arms.  My favorite things brfore I was a Mom suddenly all had to be re-evaluated and only the people managed to stay on the list.  Some things I had loved, like "Nightmare on Elm Street" were forever gone.  i didn't want to think of that kind of horror in the same world that my baby lived in.

 But that first child of mine was good at finding plenty of things to make a mom want to wrap him in bubble wrap and keep him always close.  He loved speed and noise and the great outdoors.  He still does, and as he has gone from a baby to a young man he has made me question the safety and sanity of my beloved child fairly frequently.

 I will never forget the day when I was at the river with my husband and both boys.  We had done a lot to water proof out children, including taking them to the pool twice a week starting when they were only weeks old and playing in the water with our infants in our arms, then paying for all the swimming lessons, and taking them to the beach and river with us.  That said, kids (and adults) drown here every year, the water is not something you can ever really be proof against.  This moment I am talking about, they wanted to swim across the river with my husband and jump off a rock there.  i knew the next step would be doing it with just each other, and in my min I saw the next steps that kids here take, going on their own, driving to more remote river spots with higher rocks and bridges to jump from. Surfing the ocean or kayaking the rapids.  I so wanted to say "no"

 Then I had a moment of something that still feels like truth to me.  I did not adopt this boy, or give birth to his brother to raise them wrapped in cotton.  A life spent being safe is ultimately no life at all.  So I gulped and visualized the worst, if they jumped from the rock and got caught in the river and I could never reach them in time.  I looked at that gorgeous water and the towering redwoods and the beautiful sky nd remembered a saying of my Great-Grandmother's people, "Today would be a good day to die."  Of course I didn't want them to die, but I did want them to live. So I said, "Go for it!"

 and I keep saying it to him.  And I still shudder inside every time I think of the worst case scenario.  None of those have happened    YET

 but many best case scenarios have come true

 So the day after tomorrow that young man climbs on a boat to head out to sea.  A tiny boat and an enormous sea, to try his hand at what is known as, "The Deadliest Catch"  Really?!  They had to call it that?  The world may see an adult, but I still see my baby.

 and I really like the idea of bubble wrap or a big padded room.

 But this is a young man filled with adventure and energy and the biggest heart, so he is taking my heart to sea, and I am, once more saying "I love you.  Go for it!"

Just come back.  Safely and often.