Tuesday, October 23, 2012


 At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. 
Albert Schweitzer 

 If future generations are to remember us more with gratitude than sorrow, we must achieve more than just the miracles of technology. We must also leave them a glimpse of the world as it was created, not just as it looked when we got through with it. 
Lyndon B. Johnson 

Baked with Love  :)

Morning View

Cuddling with the family

 The debt of gratitude we owe our mother and father goes forward, not backward. What we owe our parents is the bill presented to us by our children. 
Nancy Friday 

 Sometimes I find myself feeling hollow and empty and a bit scared, but when I stop and ask myself "Why?"  I have to laugh a bit.  As I feel myself growing older I find that the blessings of my life are so abundant that my biggest cause of depression is that I am overwhelmed by good things.  My Children are grown and starting off well on the adventure that is life, and they are mostly able to have all the good things that life has to offer, if they work for them.  They have "Life, liberty and the" chance to pursue happiness.
 I have seen most of my dreams come true and get to still be here as they begin deciding what their dreams will be.  And I am still healthy and young enough to set new goals and follow new hopes into the future.
True Love!

 The scariest part of my life sometimes is that I get so busy that I forget to notice all the wonderful people in it right now.  So I love the fact that Thanksgiving, coming up in a month gives us a chance to look at the great things we normally take for granted and really see them for the wonders they are.

 Have you figured out that I am a recorder?  I love to capture the moment in words and pictures, and often that means I choose to stay on the sidelines with my camera and notebook instead of being in the game so much.  I used to fight that before I realized it is OK to not want to be center stage, and it is good to be me.

I Love You

 Now, one of my favorite places to participate is with a bunch of other visual people, who love my pictures and stories and share theirs from all over the world.  365 project is a wonderful blend of photo journal and conversation.  I have made friends as well as preserved memories and for November I have challenged them to take a picture a day of something they are Thankful4.  I'd like to invite any of you to join in the challenge if you are interested

snuggle time on the lovesack

Fisherman's memorial

Carson Mansion, Eureka CA

 Now I have one more thing to be Thankful for.  My fisherman son just called and he is pulling in to Bodega Bay after surviving his first at sea fishing job.
My son leaving on a Tuna Boat

Pelicans at Sunset

Crescent City Harbor recovering still from Tsunami

So here we go, improving my attitude by improving my ability to focus on the positives in my life and looking for what I already have.  If you have something in your life that you are thankful for, I'd love to hear about it.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

My Heart Goes to Sea

 Way back in March of 1993 I was told that “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” Elizabeth Stone

but that wasn't sufficient warning for the real impact of how much your life and values and world change the first time that child is in your arms.  My favorite things brfore I was a Mom suddenly all had to be re-evaluated and only the people managed to stay on the list.  Some things I had loved, like "Nightmare on Elm Street" were forever gone.  i didn't want to think of that kind of horror in the same world that my baby lived in.
 But that first child of mine was good at finding plenty of things to make a mom want to wrap him in bubble wrap and keep him always close.  He loved speed and noise and the great outdoors.  He still does, and as he has gone from a baby to a young man he has made me question the safety and sanity of my beloved child fairly frequently.

 I will never forget the day when I was at the river with my husband and both boys.  We had done a lot to water proof out children, including taking them to the pool twice a week starting when they were only weeks old and playing in the water with our infants in our arms, then paying for all the swimming lessons, and taking them to the beach and river with us.  That said, kids (and adults) drown here every year, the water is not something you can ever really be proof against.  This moment I am talking about, they wanted to swim across the river with my husband and jump off a rock there.  i knew the next step would be doing it with just each other, and in my min I saw the next steps that kids here take, going on their own, driving to more remote river spots with higher rocks and bridges to jump from. Surfing the ocean or kayaking the rapids.  I so wanted to say "no"

 Then I had a moment of something that still feels like truth to me.  I did not adopt this boy, or give birth to his brother to raise them wrapped in cotton.  A life spent being safe is ultimately no life at all.  So I gulped and visualized the worst, if they jumped from the rock and got caught in the river and I could never reach them in time.  I looked at that gorgeous water and the towering redwoods and the beautiful sky nd remembered a saying of my Great-Grandmother's people, "Today would be a good day to die."  Of course I didn't want them to die, but I did want them to live. So I said, "Go for it!"

 and I keep saying it to him.  And I still shudder inside every time I think of the worst case scenario.  None of those have happened    YET

 but many best case scenarios have come true

 So the day after tomorrow that young man climbs on a boat to head out to sea.  A tiny boat and an enormous sea, to try his hand at what is known as, "The Deadliest Catch"  Really?!  They had to call it that?  The world may see an adult, but I still see my baby.

 and I really like the idea of bubble wrap or a big padded room.

 But this is a young man filled with adventure and energy and the biggest heart, so he is taking my heart to sea, and I am, once more saying "I love you.  Go for it!"

Just come back.  Safely and often.