International Holocaust Memorial Day

Today is an important day for the chance to learn and remember the lessons of the past, in order not to be doomed to repeat them. Surely one would think that the horror of the attempted genocide of Jewish people, accompanied by the death of so many others deemed undesirable, others like my brother with Down's syndrome, my special ed. students, my friends who are wonderful people but have a myriad of sexual identities and racial backgrounds; was so unusual and so horrific as to be unforgettable and unrepeatable. Sadly, one would be wrong.

When I was a child, I couldn't have asked for a safer, more loving world, and assumed that the rest of the children also were loved and cared for by loving parents, and grandparents. So my first hints of the holocaust rocked my world, but were of something "a long, long time ago, on the other side of the world, and it isn't ever going to happen again."

But of course it had happened before, and where I lived, and would continue to happen again and again.  It had happened to my great-grandmother, that same tiny woman who snuggled me on her lap and fed me pickles and soups and sang me songs. What was I to know of the family history she never spoke of, or why her Father had disowned her for marrying a white man soon after the battle of the Little Bighorn and the massacre at Wounded Knee. I wouldn't know until her funeral when my Sioux relatives arrived en masse.

It happened here in my adopted home of Crescent City, CA when a town with 700 Chinese one night, only had one the following night. It happened here when hundreds of natives were slaughtered during a celebration that was mistaken for a war party by the fearful townspeople.

And it happened in eugenics experiments in the good ol US of A when people with too many relatives in prison or mental hospitals were forcibly sterilized. Sadly, Hitler learned some of what he did from our country after all.

I'm sad that a day of rememberance is necessary and grateful that there is also the remembrance of those who fought and resisted and won against fear and hatred. Even though the lesson has to keep being learned, we have many heroes (yes, male and female and other) who have given examples to light the darkness and chase out hate. Remembering that we are not all to be feared just because we are not all the same. Remembering that your difference may provide the very strength I would have perished without. Remembering that when the haters scream from the podium, the resistance is already whispering encouragement and love in your ear.

On this cold January when the world is still frightening, remember to look for the light, and when you can't find it, you can be it.

Looking forward to 2017

I have ever been one to cherish the idea of a new year, a new season, a fresh chance to evaluate and change my life. That doesn't seem odd to me, even though my life is usually one I am thankful for. Even being mostly content, I have always seen the things I do wrong, and wanted to do better. I like the clean slate, the fresh journal. I buy blank books to write diary entries in, or begin a novel, or fill with poems. Nine out of ten times I fill no more than five pages, and then the book loses its freshness and sits, abandoned.  I don't just do this for January First, either. I will hold the same hopes and dream of new beginnings each Fall as well, because after 47 school years, the start of the year for me, really is when school begins.

I've heard a lot about how bad 2016 has been, and it hasn't been an easy year for sure, but it has had moments of pure joy. It has had laughter and hugs and growth. It has had the birth of my grandbaby boy. I published my 7th book, and my husband and granddaughter both like it so far. I earned enough money that we have less bills now than this time last year. I hate that hate has dominated so much of the global news this year, but refuse to let it change who I am.

What are my goals for 2017?
Do I want to write a long list of small things I've been tolerating and then go through and start fixing them?
Do I want to choose a focus word and leave it at that? Maybe simply, "Love" because the world needs it still, and yes, my mind did break into song.
Do I want to challenge myself to a poem or a photo or a page of writing every day?
Do I want to work on health or finances or . . . .?


I haven't quite decided yet which direction to go. Finding the answer is not always the goal, sometimes just thinking through the process is enough to make me realize I love my life. I've connected with some family but lost touch with three people who really are important to me and somehow I need to reach out to them, for my own sake even if they don't need me to too.  I'm excited and curious and a bit fearful of 2017, but I'm buckling in for the ride.

Sprinkles on The Sundae

Here I am, 2 months since my last post on either of my blogs. I could not really explain how those two months passed so quickly.  I need to apologize to the few of you who read my posts and had learned to look for it at least monthly.

 The quote in the collage above, if it is too small to read on your device, says, "you know all that really matters is that the people you love are happy and healthy. Everything else is just sprinkles on the Sundae." by the late Paul Walker.

 Unfortunately, for my family, those things that matter have been difficult to keep a grip on in the last couple months.  I've been really sick. And even on my best days have been in a lot of abdominal pain. The world is beautiful, and at spring break, where I live is like paradise, but I have been in debilitating pain, with vomiting and diarrhea which has made me cancel work enough to cut my income nearly in half, and that creates more stress in Dr. Bills and income tax that don't get paid in a timely manner.

 so when I am functional, I'm always behind, and my husband, who is also in his busiest time of year as a High school music teacher with concerts and pageants and graduations and field trips, has also been sick and depressed.

 We have gotten outside locally to enjoy some of the beautiful weather, and I have added 10,000 words to the novel I am writing and we got to celebrate out Granddaughter's first Birthday, just after Her Dad moved in with us again, and has her every other night.  A joy and a heartbreak all in one.

 Life can be good, and even in the difficulties I try to remember that, but thinking positively isn't always easy or even much help at all.

 Then again, it can be more than wonderful. Still, if you are going through your own problems remember, you are not alone even when it feels like it.  Send me some positive thoughts, and I'll try to return the favor. After a nap.

Easing into 2013

 Where I live, it feels like all the seasons are available today. It is raining here but there are pink flowers and yellow and red Maple leaves and Green Grass, just up the hill and inland in a 45 minute drive I am in the snow and the trees are bare or lightly frosted.

 My January has been like that too, one day the house is filled with family and food and laughter, the next it is just me and a good book and my computer.  One day I am healthy then without warning I am screaming from an ear infection then coughing from a cold or doubled up with abdominal pain and the flu.

 So will it be a good year or not? 9 days into it, I have experienced such a wide range of emotions and experiences and I have no idea what else the year has to surprise me with.

 But I do know I can choose how I greet the surprises as they come my way, wide awake, or sleeping through them, fearfully or trusting that there is good wrapped in there somewhere.  I know I have been shown time after time that the most important element in deciding how my day goes is the attitude in my mind when my feet hit the floor.

When I wake up moaning, "I hate being me" I have a day I hate. Simple as that.

 When I determine to find the magic and blessings in the day. I do. Strange how that works.

 "If You Don't Believe in Miracles, Perhaps You've Forgotten You Are One."

http://www.positivelypositive.com/2011/10/25/if-you-dont-believe-in-miracles-perhaps-youve-forgotten-you-are-one-pic/

from Karen Salmansohn

 And there are little miracles everywhere I look today.

So I do not know what will happen to me in 2013, but I have decided who I will be when they happen.

I will be the one who greets the changes with the knowledge that things will be great, because so fat, in my nearly 50 years, every year has held a lot of greatness and more amazing people and events that bad ones, by so far the scales will never balance.

Gratitude

 At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. 
Albert Schweitzer 

 If future generations are to remember us more with gratitude than sorrow, we must achieve more than just the miracles of technology. We must also leave them a glimpse of the world as it was created, not just as it looked when we got through with it. 
Lyndon B. Johnson 

Baked with Love  :)

Morning View

Cuddling with the family

 The debt of gratitude we owe our mother and father goes forward, not backward. What we owe our parents is the bill presented to us by our children. 
Nancy Friday 

 Sometimes I find myself feeling hollow and empty and a bit scared, but when I stop and ask myself "Why?"  I have to laugh a bit.  As I feel myself growing older I find that the blessings of my life are so abundant that my biggest cause of depression is that I am overwhelmed by good things.  My Children are grown and starting off well on the adventure that is life, and they are mostly able to have all the good things that life has to offer, if they work for them.  They have "Life, liberty and the" chance to pursue happiness.

 I have seen most of my dreams come true and get to still be here as they begin deciding what their dreams will be.  And I am still healthy and young enough to set new goals and follow new hopes into the future.

True Love!

 The scariest part of my life sometimes is that I get so busy that I forget to notice all the wonderful people in it right now.  So I love the fact that Thanksgiving, coming up in a month gives us a chance to look at the great things we normally take for granted and really see them for the wonders they are.

Grandma 

 Have you figured out that I am a recorder?  I love to capture the moment in words and pictures, and often that means I choose to stay on the sidelines with my camera and notebook instead of being in the game so much.  I used to fight that before I realized it is OK to not want to be center stage, and it is good to be me.

I Love You

 Now, one of my favorite places to participate is with a bunch of other visual people, who love my pictures and stories and share theirs from all over the world.  365 project is a wonderful blend of photo journal and conversation.  I have made friends as well as preserved memories and for November I have challenged them to take a picture a day of something they are Thankful4.  I'd like to invite any of you to join in the challenge if you are interested

http://365project.org/discuss/themes-competitions/14769/november-thankful-4-challenge

snuggle time on the lovesack

Fisherman's memorial

Carson Mansion, Eureka CA

 Now I have one more thing to be Thankful for.  My fisherman son just called and he is pulling in to Bodega Bay after surviving his first at sea fishing job.

My son leaving on a Tuna Boat

Pelicans at Sunset

Crescent City Harbor recovering still from Tsunami

So here we go, improving my attitude by improving my ability to focus on the positives in my life and looking for what I already have.  If you have something in your life that you are thankful for, I'd love to hear about it.