Don't talk about . . .but I am

Talking religion, politics and money

Feel free to answer any questions in the comments

Religion

1. What was the first “religious” story you remember being told? 

Probably Noah’s ark. 

2. Did you accept the same beliefs as the adults who raised you?

 Yes, kind of, my Dad never went to church with us, so as a young person I did go with mom and grandma and my brothers, although by high school I was in youth for Christ and my mom was not certain she still believed. She later returned to the church. Before she got dementia we went together on a mission trip to Guatemala and as we talked I realized she was much more open minded (yes, read “like me” if you choose) than I had thought. She believed in Christ with a blend of other wisdom from various cultures. 

3. Did you have a time when you were super religious or super anti religion? 

Was it a phase or did it become part of who you are now? From about 4th grade until I was in my mid twenties I very much believed the teachings of the Anderson Church of God, basically Nazarene, I thought we were right and everyone else was wrong, but that the others were hungry for the truth of Jesus, so if we told it they would welcome it. I was republican, anti abortion, and believed God never gave us more than we could handle and that if we had enough faith God would give us what we needed.
As it became clear that good people are given way more than they can handle, and perfectly fine, faith filled prayers still let babies be abandoned naked under bridges in Wyoming winters and wonderful people die in anguish. I became more convinced that the Bible was a big Santa Claus story made to calm the nervous children.
I found my way back to a bigger belief, that lets other people have their own journey. I still believe most of us are trying to reach the same destination, but some have leaky storm tossed rafts and some private jets. I believe love is more powerful than hate and in a perfect world I wouldn’t believed in abortion, but until there is food and family enough to care for every child who is here, I don’t believe in making more babies be born only to be unwanted, neglected or tortured. God can judge that.

4. Have you ever lived somewhere where yours was a minority faith? 

yes, when we were living in China, not long after the cultural revolution and just before Tian and Men square massacre.

5. Have you ever served in a church or on a mission and what part of that meant the most to you? 2002, I got to go to Santiago Atitilan in Guatemala. We were there to build cinder block houses, but it was in between projects, so after a couple days clearing stones from the lot and sawing rebar into set lengths, we were asked to work at the Mayan Grade School instead. Seeing my children and the Mayan children communicate without words and teach each other games and songs was the best at communicating to me that these children and mine are connected.

6. Does your religion still matter to you? 

If so, what is the most important part of it in your opinion? Yes it does, And if I’m wrong and never know it, I’ll be happier for having lived like it’s true anyway. I believe in a God of love, a God who wants us to love one another as we love ourselves. A God who wants us to say Yes to helping when we can and to sympathize when we can’t. 

Politics

1. What do you think is the most important thing a government needs to do? 

To give the people it represents the freedom to live their life and have their homes unfettered by most interference until the point where their freedom is used to hurt and abuse someone else’s. The my freedom ends where my neighbors begins idea. 

2. How important is it that your friends politics agree with yours?

 I love having friends who don’t think like me, who challenge my thinking and keep me awake.

3. Do you have a deal breaker issue that means you can’t be friends with someone due to their politics?
Of the big, most talked about issues, which are the three that will most likely get you to jump into the conversation? Kid’s rights I guess, maybe all my issues center around kids. The right to a free, public, meaningful education that prepares them for adulthood. The right to accessible, affordable, healthcare and food and housing. A basic level of living for the citizens. The right to protect their safety, to be held to standards before you can drive or own a gun, the right to know you can defend against a police force filled with white supremacists or against a public whipped up to an anti police frenzy if you are one of the many good Law Enforcement Officers, the right to know their highways and schools and public buildings are held to safety codes. 

4. Of the most important (to you) issues, have you done anything more than talk about it on social media? 

Maybe, hopefully. I work with kids, volunteer, donate plasma, write and try to help but probably less than I should

5. If you could convince everyone of one thing about Donald Trump, what would you want them to know for sure? 

I can’t stand him, so I’d say the one thing is that he’s really bad for America, he divides and manipulates and abuses and lies. But I guess I’d say it isn’t DT I need to convince them about at all. He’s just a symptom. I think we need to convince everyone to look for the helpers and to be one. 

Money

1. What is your biggest fear about your current finances? 

That it won’t be able to handle an unexpected emergency. 

2. What is something about how you have handled money in your life that you feel proud of?

 I’ve handled it with trust that it will work out, enough that I’ve been able to enjoy raising my kids and grandkids without too much panic.

3. What lesson about money would you most want your children to learn? 

That you don’t need as much as the ads make you think you do, that no matter how much money you have, you can be miserable, and the best things in life are free all around you. Yes, you have to earn a living, but then you have to live.
4. What would be the top five priorities you think government money should be used for?
World security, global environment protection and shared resources (being able to survive climate change)
Education
Healthcare (and mental health included in that)
Cooperation and care of public lands and highways and buildings

learning to adapt to change

5. If you had extra money, is there a charity or two that you think would be deserving of your help?
Habitat for humanities
World vision

6. Can you live as you normally do, on the money you have coming in from working each month, and if not do you dig into credit cards, or savings or borrow, or share expenses? 

Yes, mainly, but usually something like new tires or car repairs and a dental root canal can make us need to access a payment plan.

Mid-Night Worrying

Philippians 4:6-7 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (NLT)

 2:45 AM and I am awake, regretfully wide eyed by the knowledge of the bills due in days, again, heart pounding, blood cold, and all the past success forgotten in the worrying. It isn't like I have ever not had bills that equal or exceed the income or that I am in danger of going homeless or hungry but the constant balancing act is exhausting.  Suddenly even the little indulgences feel like extravagances I need to avoid.  We used to go to the movies a lot, or rent videos and now we are thinking of cutting out even the TV. The Cost of everything keeps climbing but the paycheck stays the same or even shrinks.

Finally I Remember an exercise in meditation that I learned from a wonderful Drama Teacher back in Northwest Community College days. I close my eyes and imagine that I am walking down 100 stairs to a beautiful beach, and as I slowly count my way down the stairs, I breath and focus on leaving my troubles behind me.  I visualize getting closer to peaceful beauty and feeling the breeze and smelling the salt air and hearing the waves and the gulls.  Soon I am breathing easily and relaxed enough to go back to bed.

Of course, being able to sleep doesn't mean that the problems are solved, but it does mean I can drop the incapacitating panic and find the energy to ask myself where the solutions lie.  My problems are not new, and I'm not in them alone.  I have a old, rattletrap home and enough food to pack on more weight than I should carry and make me need to wash dirty dishes on a regular basis.  I have a family to support, and they love me.  My problems might feel overwhelming, but really they are not problems at all.  They are merely a side-effect of being alive.

I am so grateful for the people and the places in my life, when I remind myself to be.  Learning to be positive is so much of the battle.  I feel alone and overwhelmed and then my head goes round and round and I get nowhere.  I have some o the same problems I had 20 years ago because I am afraid of changing them.  How dumb is that?  I have a wonderful husband who has walked beside me since 1982 and loved me when I worked full time, and when I was so depressed I didn't get out of bed.  When I was eager and happy, and when I was angry and a Bitch.

We are having a hard time financially and I hate it.  I feel like this daffodil trying to bloom in the middle of bare thorny ground.  I gave up a full time job and stayed home with my toddlers.  I am so glad I had that time with them, and when they went to school, I went as a substitute and a parent volunteer.  And it worked.  I have been a success.  My husband and I have raised two wonderful young men, and that is a major achievement.  We have stayed together and loved each other for thirty years.  That is success.  I wrote and published two novels and people love them.  My husband has been the most loved and amazing music teacher for 23 years.  We are successful, unless you check the bank account, and look at what we can give the boys to start their adult life.  And so my brain begins again to feel guilty and second guess the past decisions, I should have worked full time, I should have saved for their college instead of taking them to Wyoming every year to visit the grandparents.  They did not need to go to Disneyland.  BUT YES, they did!

They needed to experiences and the attention and the love that made them who they are today.

I just wish it was more.

I wish I could make everything smooth and easy, but even as I wish it, I know that the most exhausting, difficult times of my life are the times I was most alive.  I know I have rarely had everything I wanted, but always had everything I needed and I try to trust that they will too.  The news makes trust hard, so I turn off the news and talk to the people.

The people and the world around me make trust easy.

Life is beautiful, and good, and HARD and so Worth it.

And spring always comes back, and Joy comes in the morning.