In Memory of Cody Raben

Dear Cody,

The last time I saw you, you were a young Father - hopeful but exhausted.  Nervous but proud.  Attentive and eager and yet overwhelmed.  I remember watching you as you rode away on your bike, thinking I'd see you again soon, hoping you were going to finally have an easier time of it.

Loving you was easy, you always had a sense of warmth and humor

but your life was anything but easy

so much of how you lived and how you were born was determined by the saturation of alcohol in the lives of the people around you.

And now you are dead, stepping out of the dying light with a cooler filled with lunch fixings and beer, into the path of a train, taking your final breath so quickly and then gone

Yet your memory is here, wrapped up in all of us who loved you and still do.  I remember you as the exuberant child flinging yourself into my boyfriend's arms when he brought me home to meet the family, and as the exhausted, lonely boy sucking your thumb and curling in on yourself to sleep on the living room floor while the grown-ups reconnected at family reunions.

This is the smile I loved

You, in Vertical stripes

You were the star on the top of this family tree

Your children have your beauty

I don't remember you this young, but the stories I heard and the pictures I saw made me feel like I'd known you from the first, and when I married your uncle, it was you who made me welcome and made me an Aunt for the first time.

you, far right, and me in the rear, middle at Wendy and John's Wedding

When the other grandkids started arriving, you were already grown, and they had a life so much more abundant than yours, but you were never jealous or hateful, but gave them your attention and love from the start

Your High school Graduation with you Mom and grandparents

I know that wherever you go now, wherever that joyful, enthusiastic spark that was most YOU, gets carried - you will define it with your love and laughter, and as your children grow they will know your love and look at the world through your eyes.

God Speed Spook - Rest in peace


Aunt Dixie