1995 The Calmest Year

1995 was one of those years I wish that I had paid more attention to.  It was just a year in the life of a family with young kids, a normal year, and simple and I wish I had known then that it would be the last normal, the calmest year.

So many simple things I had then

and lost by the following Christmas

October 1, 1995

Hello,

This will be short because my time is very full.  Since school started on September 5th we barely have time to breath and I complain all the time and everything goes wrong and yet for all of us it is a beautiful, happy, full time.
     What goes wrong? Well we get paid the last day of june and not again until the end of September but it's OK because we pay all rent and bills ahead and have every penny budgeted - right?  Well, come September and suddenly the vacuum, the coffee pot, the washer, the dryer and the telephone all stop working and the van maintenance light comes on.  The kids and Greg get sick, I twist my knee etc. etc. but we're still happy.
     Summer was too perfect - no classes, no teaching summer school or band camp - wonderful time with our family in Wyoming and then with our babies here.  Austin and Emerson are growing overnight from babies to wild, rowdy, smart little boys and it's no wonder we are resisting the idea of going back to work.  Suddenly we are leaving the house at 7:30 AM - coming home at 4:30 and starting the kids to bed at 8 - we feel like we are missing so much and we're exhausted - how do you work 9 hour days - spend your evenings cooking and dong dines, laundry, bathing, and playing with two little boys and waking up at least once a night because someone is teething or has wet the bed or heard a horrible noise or just plain missed us all day and needs a hug?  Anything else needing attention just has to wait - it sounds unforgivable to admit how little we do housework - but we read to the boys instead and offer no apologies.

Much Love,

Dixie, Greg, Austin and Emerson

Christmas Card 1995 in silks from our time in China
Boys silk PJs from Chinatown San Fran

Merry Christmas!

Hello,

I have not lived in Wyoming in over 11 years now, but when Christmas rolls around it still feels strange to drive through misty Redwood groves or walk on warm, windless beaches.  My Rose has started to bloom, our lawn is turning green as the nighttime rains help it recover from a parched summer.
     It has been another full, busy year - sometimes overwhelmingly demanding with 2 toddlers and 2 full time jobs - but it has also been a year filled with love and discovery and joy.  Children have aged us - we're 32 and some days feel more like 92 - but the cribs are got, the bottles are gone - and diapers - Well, "it's not just a job, it's a doody."
     Austin is 2 1/2 and fairly typical of the age I suspect - gentle and cuddly when tired or insecure - loud and defiant when testing rules - a delightful joy and an annoying pest - he's smart, energetic, highly creative and a blessing to our life!
    Emerson at 1 1/2 loves "candy" and "NO" - He's only 4 inches shorter than Austin and tries to do everything his big brother does. It

shows up in various bruises and bumps which never slow him down.
     For us, our 7th year of teaching seems harder than most. We deal with the little things which go wrong so often they start to feel like big things.  Our coffee pot, dryer, vacuum cleaner, carburetor, washing machine all broke in 1 month.  Our $600 car cost $578 to license.  Our lives in the big picture are perfect- we have food, a home and our family - but in the little day-to-day pictures we often focus on the problems - no sleep, little cash, colds and flu and so on.
    Greg and I finally have to remind ourselves to look back at the big picture, see our incredible luck and good fortune for what it is and celebrate each other. That is why, when times are rough we like to remember our friends and family.  We read old letters, look at old Photos and tell, "remember when" stories.  So many friends, so much love.  Its already been a great life and with 2 toddlers it feels like it has just begun.
    Peace of mind,
Love of family and friends,
The Joy of Christmas to you and yours

                                                                         Dixie, Greg, Austin and Emerson

Grandma Priscilla, Emerson, Papa Paul and Austin, Uncle Lance

Grandpa Harvey With Austin
Grandma Mimi With Emerson

Austin's second Birthday

At Grandma Nadine's and Papa Dale's

Uncle Harv, Austin, Emerson and Greg

Austin, Emerson and cousin Lacy

Thankful For Family This November

Mom and Dad

My Mom, Her Aunt and Grandmother in Wyoming

Dad & I

So all over facebook there are people posting about the things that they are Thankful for, at least one a day for the month of November.  I did that last year but a lot of it just came down to one thing.

My husband's parents at their wedding

 And it wasn't a thing. What I kept writing about in my list was the people who are my family and friends.

When I was a child, Family was My Mom and Dad and I, living a long way from any other relatives in Cheyenne, Wyoming.  I thought family was a rock solid, unchanging concept.

Great Grandma Emma Lafferty Slack and I

Then when I was only a couple years old, we moved diagonally across the state from the South East corner to the North West. Back to the part of Wyoming where my Mom's family had long roots.  Suddenly I had Grandparents and great Grandparents and Aunts and Great Aunts and cousins by the dozens and I was happy with the change.  Adding more family was great.

And we added more.  When I was nearly 5 we adopted my baby brother, and when I was 12 another brother was born and more cousins came along and family was a growing, entity.  A wonderful circle of loving security.  I am grateful for those years.

Of course they couldn't last.  Sooner or later everyone learns that family isn't permanently growing, sometimes it is losing members too.

My cousins divorced, My great Grandmas both died at age 98 and another 18 year old cousin died of cancer, and another, favorite cousin came home from the marines safely only to be killed by a drunk driver.  Then my Mom's Dad died of Cancer before I graduated from High school.

And  I grew older and moved out and my home was just a converted garage with my 19 year old boyfriend in it.

Greg and I at 19

My wedding finery! just an hour after the JP married us

and then I was moving farther away, and the boyfriend became a husband and my family expanded to include all his, in-laws and nephews were great to add in. But all too soon there were days of driving between my family in Wyoming and us in Ashland, Oregon.

When My family came to visit Ashland, Oregon where I was in College

 and a month after we graduated from college in Ashland, my Mom's mother died.  I didn't like this part of family.  The losing ones you loved part hurt.

My Brother and parents at Niagara Falls

 but life moves on even when there is pain and the good years came back and my brother and I and my husbands sister were busy adding babies to the family and life was noisy and exhausting and wonderful.

Greg and I during our term as exchange students in Beijing

Some of the best years

 but all too soon my Dad, who loved being a Grandpa, was dead of esophageal cancer, as was one of my cousins.  My Mom and brothers were changing and moving on, and we heard from them but didn't get to spend enough time together, and family expanded to take in a Day care Grandma and day-care babies who lived with my babies from 7 AM to 5 PM every day and were more like siblings than friends.

Lance and my Mom after Dad died of Cancer

My Maternal Grandma and I

 And still life moves on.  My Mom is aging and her memory becomes confused. Talking to her on the phone is difficult and a strange trip into fears and confusion.  She had to move out of her house this year and my Brother Lance had to give up his 19 year job to move with her. Now in DC they are farther from me than ever, but closer to my brother Brett.

My youngest son and his lovely girlfriend

My sons are grown up and the family home is more a revolving door with people in or out and me never quite sure if it will be empty or full.  There are new children in our life, great nieces and nephews, a grandchild on the way, the babies of extended family. Life filling in the gaps because a vacuum is never allowed to remain

My oldest son working on a crab boat

My Brother Brett and his New wife

 So the family I am grateful for this year is not the one I loved as a baby, not eve the same one it was last November, but still, yes the family and friends are the part of my life I treasure the most.

Mom and my brother Lance

Open Adoption

My family has always had some biological and some adopted members; one brother, several cousins, and then when I married- my husband's Mom and both her siblings were also adopted as children. It made perfect sense then, that when I could not get pregnant after 10 years, adoption became the option of choice. We walked into a store and saw a little tri-fold next to the cash register that said, "November is adoption Month." We looked at each other and knew the time had arrived, so that day we called the agency, Adoption Horizon's and arranged to go to our first meeting.

We were both teachers and had a lot of experience with special needs kids and we knew that newborns were hard to get, so we were confident that being willing to take a sibling group or kids with handicaps would increase our chances but there were other plans for us.

We did look at several groups of siblings but the opportunity always fell through, and we tried to buy a house in the next State, our dream house on a Sea Cliff, and that fell through as well. Life felt pretty frustrating. How could we prepare if we didn't know if we were getting a school aged adolescent in three weeks, or three pre-school girls in 5 days? But we never gave up hope, and indeed, decided to act as if the future was assured, and it felt like it was. We always believed it was a matter of "when" and not a matter of "if." My husband and I would take long walks on the beach and pray that our child, wherever he or she was, would be safe and loved until we could keep him safe and loved ourselves.

Then I was at work and the call came, "We know you said older kids, but would you consider a newborn - because a mom in our birthparent center accidentally got your file, and she picked you." (Her 15 month old had picked it off a desk and handed it to her.)

My heart was pounding as I asked, "When is she due?" and the answer was TWO WEEKS AGO!! Three days later she was placing a perfect, 14 hour old boy into our arms. A baby who could only be placed within the two-counties where we lived. Then we forgot to "turn off the prayer faucet" and within 6 months I was pregnant with his younger brother.

Now, on my oldest son's 17th birthday, I put him on an airplane to fly 1400 miles and spend spring break with his birth sister, their mom, the mom's new husband and his 3 younger half sisters. After 17 years of cards and letters from them, he is calling me, sending me texts and photos and loving every minute. The fact that one sister looks like is twin is amazing to him. It reminds me again that my own brother had to wait until he was a Dad to see a face that resembled his.

Our open adoption was probably helped by the distance between our families for those years, but I believe it was planned for all along and the jobs we were offered, the home we got all put us where we needed to be to be there where he would be born.

The relationship he has with both families who love him, has made him a warm, wonderful and loving young man who can make two Moms proud. Both Mom's listen to the song, "From God's arms, to My arms, to yours" and tear up.

Edit: The pictures above are of my family, my husband, both boys and me - then My baby and his big sister in his birthmom's and birth grandmother's arms - and then my baby with his birthmom and his four sisters this spring break.

Now he is back home - but happier and more complete for having had the time in the roots of his family tree.

Reading to our Babies

When I look back at nearly 17 years of parenting, and 23 years of teaching, I find that the best choice I made, other than to be a Wife and Mom in the first place, was to spend time reading to my children and to nearly every other child who ever entered my life.

Babies are never too young to read to. At first you snuggle that baby on your shoulder and you can read anything out loud. The baby is getting the bonding comfort of your voice and while you are reading, you too, are bonding with your child in moments of heaven you will never forget. You think the book is what you are sharing and obviously the baby can't understand it, so why bother? What you are really sharing is time and contact, and while you read the book, your baby is reading the book of your face. Every expression and glance from you is where that babies eyes will be focused.

Then as the baby grows, the book will catch his attention, then you go for simple board books with big, contrasting images, repetitive wording and interesting sounds. At this point my baby loved "Goodnight Moon" and an animal book that made me moo and oink, and the three little kittens where I meowed and said "Hush Hush." I also made our own 8 page board books with family Photographs and laminated them and sent them to daycare with the boys so they could always have a bit of home with them.

A little later we snuggled side by side on a bed or sofa and read picture books, still repeating a lot, and Dr. Seuss and Jan Brett and Patricia Polacco filled my book shelves. We loved the old "Look out for Pirates" with its tricky and clever manipulation of the bad guys. One son was "Captain Jim" for almost 6 months.

As they grew and started reading to me, we used to take long road trips. All our family members lived close to a thousand miles away. We read all the Lioness books from Tamora Pierce, all the Harry Potter and Narnia and Little house books while on the road. I wrote my own novel about a boy who has CP and survives a school shooting and ends up in another world trying to get back to his sister who was shot. Maybe "Duffy Barkley is Not a Dog" will never be read by wide audiences, but I read it to my boys as we travelled through Idaho and Wyoming and their enthusiasm was one of the highlights of my life. Later I read it to a class of 7th grade students who begged for more.

Now one of my boys is a reader and the other one will tell you he's not. Still, when I find the rare book that catches his attention he stays up all night to finish it, usually a C. J. Box book or a true outdoor story. The one who is never without a book is into the Harry Dresden series for his third time through.

Still, a reader or not, both boys have impressive vocabularies, both are great travelers, and both have experienced a lot of closeness with their Father and I as we shared the stories and adventures in the books.

I realize that my love of books began on my own parents laps, and snuggling in beside my grandmother, demanding the 100th repetition of "Chicken Little." Still caressing the pages of that book brings back the sound and feeling of my Grandmother's presence. I can hope that long after my boys are grown and away from home, when they remember Mom, it will be with the knowledge that I loved them enough to spend hours reading to them.